New Year’s resolutions.
1) Eat healthily
2) Must not drink alone. (Alcohol that is. Not fluids. That was probably obvious wasn’t it?)
3) Keep flat in a state of cleanliness which does not induce panic the moment someone suggests coming over.
4) Give up on love and men all together and accept, no, embrace the inevitable future that consists of fifty cats and a selection of knitted hats for each kitty (for every occasion)
5) Try not to get indebted to psychopathic super villains resulting in possibly having killed someone.
6) Remember to call parents every week because you know how they worry about you and they know you are busy but considering they raised you for 19 years, fed you, kept you warm and safe and loved and encouraged you to do well, only to have you take a menial office job that any bint with half an IQ point could do, when you know you could be doing so much more with your life, not that we’re getting at you, we just want what’s best and for you to be happy...
Where was I?
Oh yes. Resolutions.
I would say that this year is going to be different. That I will be a new person but to be perfectly honest I think it’s time I give up on any hope of getting myself together and just accept that I will never be fabulous at anything. (Except possibly reciting the entirety of dialogue from the BBC’s production of Pride and Prejudice... and any Jane Austen adaption.) I will never be organised, I will never be sexy and smart and quick and capable and well... Katie. The quicker I accept that and get on with things the happier and more productive I will be... okay the happier I will be.
Now that I have come to terms with that I think that my (much more realistic) resolutions for this year will be much more easily attainable...
...Does it count as cheating if I invite my neighbour over so I can have some wine?
And some vodka?
And possibly some rum?