So it’s been a week and what has happened?
1. Katie has now moved back to her flat and is free to shag Mister Cutie to her hearts content. (Unenthusiastically blows on one of those rolley out trumpet sounding party things… you know the ones that are like chameleon tongues.)
2. My Neighbour left me looking after the baby again. (Same response.)
3. I’ve been assigned my first solo mission.
4. Oh and Michael and I nearly kissed. (So there’s that.)
Oh okay I’ll explain. My first solo mission is on this Friday… wait you meant the one after that… okay yep I can explain that.
So this was a couple of days ago. I was doing my best to not to hover around Katie and Mister Cutie as it was painful and to be honest I’d like to think I have more self respect than to make goo-goo eyes at someone who likes another girl better. (I’d like to think that.)
I was sitting at my desk pretending to be doing research when in actuality I was using office resources to make accessories (yes indeed I made the legendary post-it hat.) when Michael approached my desk.
He asked me to give him a hand in the archives (am ashamed to admit that I nearly asked him why he didn’t ask Katie, so glad I didn’t) and we went down to the dusty place of creep that was the site of my Halloween adventure, which culminated in a dislocated shoulder. (and more importantly time off work, wooo!)
While we were down there the conversation turned to Mister Cutie and Katie. Although nether of us really acknowledged that what we were talking about. We just chatted around it (as an aside, longest conversation I have ever had with Michael.) As we talked I got more comfortable and let my guard down (which always ends well and never ends in humiliation and worse) and might have let something a little embarrassing slip.
I said, (without really paying attention to who I was talking to) “It seems like the men I like have a type and it just happens to be my best friend.” Which seems innocuous at first glance but then Michael IS a spy. He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me as I struggled with boxes (very gracefully I’m sure) and asked “Men? Not just this new guy? Which other men?” (Bugger.)
I froze for a second due to all of the blood rushing to my face and was about to make a complete fool of myself verbally, when I was interrupted by… wait for it… me making a complete fool of myself physically.
I lost my balance and boxes started dropping everywhere (what is it with the archives and falling stuff? or is it me.. okay what is it with me and falling stuff?)
But Michael was quick enough to catch me and stop a box from squishing me. Not only was this very heroic and all that but it also meant that he was standing pretty much against me, his arm wrapped round my waist. Then he looked down at me and didn’t let me go. (I think I would have thrown up I was so tense, if it hadn’t been for the fact I skipped breakfast due to having nothing in the house)
He stood there holding me and we were so close, even closer than when we danced. I didn’t know my heart could beat that hard. It felt like every breath I took lasted 10 minutes and my brain was working at double speed, (but only half intelligence.) Then it happened.
The thing I have literally dreamt of since I first laid eyes on him.
The moment that I thought was a stupid juvenile fantasy.
He leaned closer slowly, giving me that look, the one that says you should say something cause I’m going to kiss you if you don’t (My heart actually vibrated with the thrill of seeing him look at me like that)
You know in my dreams when this happens, it’s usually interrupted with him saying “Katie.”
What’s funny about that is that this time it was interrupted in a similar way, except I was the one who said it. (and by funny I mean pathetic.)
Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger, BUGGER!!!
What’s wrong with me??
He was right there, right there! I have to ruin it by growing a sense of respect for myself. (Bleh! I hate my growing self worth.)
He looked so guilty, he knew what I meant as soon as I said it, and he pulled away and started apologising. I told him I was fine (I lied) and that it wasn’t a big deal (I lied) I said it was just that I couldn’t betray Katie (I lied) and I reassured him that I was happy for them and wanted them to work it out. (I’m getting good at deceit and that upsets me.)
Strange that it’s my personal life and not my job that’s training me to lie so well.
After all of this, it’ll be strangely comforting when he goes back to barely noticing I exist.
See, I AM getting used to lying.
